Those Phrases given by A Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader failure to talk between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."